gripping time by the throat

collegehumor:

What Middle America Is Like According To Truck Commercials
We’re strong, simple people. We enjoy the simple pleasures: Flannel, dirty gloves, throwing lumber onto truckbeds in slow-mo, leaning on fences, you name it. MAN do we love leaning on fences. Wood fences, wire fences — you give us a fence, we’ll lean the fuck on it.Out here, it’s always sunrise or sunset. Are there other times in the day? We don’t know. And frankly, we don’t want to know. We’re simple like that. All we know is that this lumber has to go from here to somewhere else, and it’s up to us to move it. Also there’s horses out here so shut those greasy gates and let’s peel out into the mud.Us? We’re all about family. When we’re not about lumber. Which is often. But we’ll swing by the son’s Little League game and rub his head when his team loses, then swing by the gal’s Little League game and rub her head when her team loses. Just let em know that it’s all gonna be ok because we love them, and we’ll get that lumber where it needs to go.But we’re not afraid to let loose every now and then! Sometimes we go to the diner where the way-too-attractive waitress pours us coffee and gives us broad smiles. She may look like a model but she’s got flannel on and never isn’t turning around with a coffee pot so she’s one of us.We live on a porch. Quiet. Homely. Not much call for buildings in our town — we’re not really into ‘frills’ — just give us a porch and some iced tea pitchers with the sun shining through them and we’re as happy as a pig in gloves leaning on a fence.At night, we just admire the stars. LOVE those stars. Who needs a television when you got stars? Not us, that’s who.My son points up at the stars as if to say “wow!” I smile. I am glad my son enjoys the stars. At least one kid gets that you don’t need ‘video games’ when you have stars. They’re like our own little tiny, glowing fences in the sky for our eyes to lean on. Truly magical.In conclusion, I love this country.My wife is a truck made of fences. View Larger

collegehumor:

What Middle America Is Like According To Truck Commercials

We’re strong, simple people. We enjoy the simple pleasures: Flannel, dirty gloves, throwing lumber onto truckbeds in slow-mo, leaning on fences, you name it. MAN do we love leaning on fences. Wood fences, wire fences — you give us a fence, we’ll lean the fuck on it.

Out here, it’s always sunrise or sunset. Are there other times in the day? We don’t know. And frankly, we don’t want to know. We’re simple like that. All we know is that this lumber has to go from here to somewhere else, and it’s up to us to move it. Also there’s horses out here so shut those greasy gates and let’s peel out into the mud.

Us? We’re all about family. When we’re not about lumber. Which is often. But we’ll swing by the son’s Little League game and rub his head when his team loses, then swing by the gal’s Little League game and rub her head when her team loses. Just let em know that it’s all gonna be ok because we love them, and we’ll get that lumber where it needs to go.

But we’re not afraid to let loose every now and then! Sometimes we go to the diner where the way-too-attractive waitress pours us coffee and gives us broad smiles. She may look like a model but she’s got flannel on and never isn’t turning around with a coffee pot so she’s one of us.

We live on a porch. Quiet. Homely. Not much call for buildings in our town — we’re not really into ‘frills’ — just give us a porch and some iced tea pitchers with the sun shining through them and we’re as happy as a pig in gloves leaning on a fence.

At night, we just admire the stars. LOVE those stars. Who needs a television when you got stars? Not us, that’s who.

My son points up at the stars as if to say “wow!” I smile. I am glad my son enjoys the stars. At least one kid gets that you don’t need ‘video games’ when you have stars. They’re like our own little tiny, glowing fences in the sky for our eyes to lean on. Truly magical.

In conclusion, I love this country.

My wife is a truck made of fences.


thedoctorwillsaveme:

stoneandbloodandwater:


how to walk like a queen [x]

Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:
One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.
Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks. 
CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.

DEFINITELY have to try this at Faire this weekend.thedoctorwillsaveme:

stoneandbloodandwater:


how to walk like a queen [x]

Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:
One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.
Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks. 
CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.

DEFINITELY have to try this at Faire this weekend.thedoctorwillsaveme:

stoneandbloodandwater:


how to walk like a queen [x]

Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:
One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.
Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks. 
CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.

DEFINITELY have to try this at Faire this weekend.thedoctorwillsaveme:

stoneandbloodandwater:


how to walk like a queen [x]

Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:
One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.
Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks. 
CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.

DEFINITELY have to try this at Faire this weekend.

thedoctorwillsaveme:

stoneandbloodandwater:

how to walk like a queen [x]

Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:

One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.

Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks. 

CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.

DEFINITELY have to try this at Faire this weekend.

(Source: graybles)